Saturday, 4th April 2020

Month's weather to happen in an hour

THE weather for the whole of the next 30 days is to take place in a single hour this afternoon, forecasters have confirmed. 

According to meteorologists, all the weather Britain was scheduled to receive between now and March 21st will arrive between 2.18pm and 3.18pm today. 

The public has been advised to stay indoors, build flood defences, wear at least factor 50 sun cream, prepare to clear snow on their drives and be aware a hosepipe ban may be enforced. 

BBC weatherman Martin Bishop said: “An area of unprecedented high pressure and a mirror area of unprecedented low pressure, combined with a tachyon storm, means that all regions can expect the lot. All at once. 

“Lightning will strike from a glorious cloudless sky, it’ll be too foggy to see, and six inches of snow will fall and be washed down the streets in mini-icebergs by the torrential rain. 

“After that we’ll have had our allotted weather until late March. The sky will be blank white and the temperature neutral for a month, plunging Britain into a deep crisis because we will have nothing to talk about.”