More butterflies living long enough to become wasps

WARM weather has helped butterflies complete their life cycle by becoming wasps.

New research shows the UK has a growing butterfly population, with a corresponding increase in wasps as the fragile winged insects complete their final mind-bending transformation.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “It’s known in biology as the Gremlins principle – the process by which an appealing creature turns into something armour-plated and highly aggressive for no apparent evolutionary reason.

“Something broadly similar also happens with a sexy naked lady in the poor quality science fiction film Species.

“It also explains why you never see little baby wasps flying around.”

Wasp Emma Bradford said: “Life is so mental. Last week I was a Peacock butterfly, admired by young and old alike.

“Now I have a hard exoskeleton and a pointy thing on my arse, and am widely shunned.

“My growing bitterness will soon translate into stinging.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Bale scores 85 million goals

GARETH Bale has repaid his new owners Real Madrid by scoring an incredible 85,000,001 goals in his first game for the club.

The player scored 30 million goals in the first half against Villareal, wearing out two goalkeepers and four nets.

He went on to hit the target a further 55 million times in the second half, though one strike was disallowed for offside.

Real president Florentino Perez said: “It would have been utter madness to pay such a high price for a player who scored only once or twice per game, or 30 or 40 times per season.”

Bale plans to spend his £425,000 goalscoring bonus on a 44-acre museum to house his collection of match balls.

Meanwhile, Bale’s teammate Cristiano Ronaldo has negotiated a record new contract which commits him to scoring 288,461 goals a week.