Nation divided over whether to put the heating on

BRITAIN is divided over whether or not it is cold enough to turn on the heating, it has been confirmed.

As pro- and anti-heating factions struggle for control of household temperatures, many fear that war is inevitable.

Emma Bradford, proponent of turning the heating on, said: “It’s definitely cold enough to turn it on, if not just to limber it up for when winter really sets in. Only an idiot would disagree.”

However Tom Booker, advocate for just layering up with a jumper, said: “We’re still seeing highs of about 17 degrees down south. If you’re cold, put some more sodding clothes on.

“I don’t trust these ‘heating people’. Who knows what else they are plotting? Probably to kill us all.”

A Met Office spokesman said: “It’s turned brother against brother, man against wife, Ant against Dec.

“It’s deceptively sunny enough to leave half the nation in denial that summer is over, while the other half is already banging on about pumpkin-flavoured coffee drinks.

“Fortunately, data from previous years shows that consensus will be reached in about two to three weeks with the arrival of ‘see your own breath’ weather.”