North Yorkshire to be burned for fuel

NORTH Yorkshire is to be set on fire so the rest of the UK can have a hot bath.

Permission to torch over 3,000 square miles of land was granted after an enquiry concluded that burning the county to a cinder would have little environmental impact.

A government spokesman said: “We’re going to have several massive cauldrons right in the middle of it, with locals carrying buckets of lovely warm water to whoever needs it.

“We have listened to a wide range of scientific opinion but it was full of big long words and not as easy to understand as money.

“Of course people will lose their homes, but the fire will also destroy schools, libraries and old people’s homes, sparing us the expense of closing them.

“Some locals describe this decision as undemocratic, but after the inferno there won’t be many of them left to vote so we are not too bothered about that.”

This landmark decision paves the way to setting fire to Lincolnshire in the autumn, a move energy consultants say will heat the rest of Britain until after Christmas.