WILD beavers released into Britain are lazing around on riverbanks posing for social media photos rather than building dams. 

The beavers, previously characterised as one of nature’s hardest-working animals, have been in the country for a matter of months and are already asking what the point is of blocking rivers when the water gets through whatever.

Beaver Steve Malley said: “Can we Deliveroo some pondweed? I can’t be arsed getting up.

“Yeah, yeah, I should be damming, but we’ve just had a long weekend and it’s hard to motivate yourself. Been no rainfall for ages anyway. Loads of time.

“It’s not like I’m paid by the dam. And I’m only employed 22 hours a week because of DEFRA cuts so I’m on income support and I can’t jeopardise that. Do you know it is to jump through all HMRC’s hoops when you’re a flat-tailed semi-aquatic rodent?

“Anyway, I need to be here for the influencers. Pic with me in gets upward of 200k likes on Insta. I should really be making bank on of that. Maybe a collab with Burberry?”

Nathan Muir of Maclynneth said: “Grrr. Bloody beavers. If only their anal glands didn’t smell so alluring.”