Pigs insulted by vegetarian bacon
PIGS are disgusted with humans for pretending that vegetarian bacon made of rehydrated soya protein could compare to their delicious flesh.
The scandal was triggered when a pig farm accidentally mixed slices of Quorn deli bacon in with the pigs’ swill, with pigs across the country now threatening a full strike.
250lb Yorkshire boar Tom Logan said: “How bloody dare you?
“I suppose I get it. I suppose whoever invented this smoky, cardboard parody of actual bacon imagined in their well-meaning way that they were somehow doing pigs a favour.
“Well, the liberals might not like it, but we pigs know how good bacon is. We take great pride in our own flavoursome, tasty succulence.
“We’re intelligent animals. We know the deal. A few years wallowing in the sty then we give up our lives to make the whole world a better, more delectable place. Better that than never to have wallowed at all.
“To offer these strips of tasteless crap as a subsitute is a slap in the face to the whole porcine community. We will only accept a total ban.”
Logan added: “Vegetarians can bite my ass. No, seriously. I demand you try this.”