THE pine needles that have dropped from your Christmas tree have confirmed you will still be finding them buried in the carpet years from now.
They will also be turning up next to the skirting board, inside your socks, under the cooker and in the upholstery of your car for at least a decade.
In a statement, Britain’s pine needles said: “To put it plainly, we are not f**king off any time soon. We are legion and we will not be defeated.
“For those of you who think you have been clever and sat your tree on a sheet on top of the carpet, please know that we will still find a way to linger in the nooks and crannies of your house forever.
“Like sand from a beach holiday, or memories of an ill-advised and disappointing shag with a colleague, we will be bothering you for an infuriatingly long time.”
Nathan Muir, from Bridport, said: “Despite the fact that putting up a real tree in the living room is expensive, wasteful, and confusing for the cat, we always do it. Christmas wouldn’t be the same without one.
“But how is it possible that humanity can go to the moon, perform heart transplants and perfectly place a hazelnut in the centre of a Ferrero Rocher, but still not have mastered vacuum cleaner technology that reliably sucks up pine needles?”