A STUDY has found that everybody is justified in finding this time of year a bit of a pain in the arse.
Despite the general jollity, spirit of goodwill, and time off work, new research suggests that most people would fundamentally prefer not to be conscious between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute For Studies, said: “Our data shows that individual circumstances, while all challenging and uniquely terrible, have little bearing on the bloody awful median Christmas experience.
“Whether strapped for cash or spending wildly, surrounded by family or alone, everyone experiences an underlying and constant feeling of overwhelming Yuletide misery.
“People from all walks of life can find solace in the knowledge that no one is having fun, despite what their light-up Christmas jumpers and heartwarming social media posts suggest.”
Christmas-skeptic Joshua Hudson of Letchworth said: “My family all loathe each other, which makes Christmas a painful charade, but my in-laws all get on and that intense atmosphere of love and joy is far worse.”
Brubaker added: “That being said, if you think this is hard brace yourself for January, which only a handful of people in the whole of human history have even survived.”
