Pony does not really see himself as meat

WILD pony Tom Logan has revealed ambitions other than becoming pie filling.

After experts suggested that eating pony meat could save the species, Exmoor-based small stallion Logan confirmed that he has some projects lined up that do not involve abattoirs.

Logan said: “I see ponies as falling into two distinct categories – ‘cute’ and ‘meat’.

“Given that I have a lustrous chestnut coat and a rotund build I’d put myself firmly in the eye candy category.

“I plan on getting sold to a farm park where divorced dads will encourage their kids to feed me Polo mints. From there I will get talent-scouted and cast in adverts or a live action Disney film called Brave Pony.

“But if you want to eat a pony, I can give you a list of names. Big, fat, stupid ponies with no drive or ambition.”

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Billionaire tycoon running Arsenal 'like a business'

AMERICAN investor Stan Kroenke is treating Arsenal like some sort of investment, according to angry fans.

“What about mascots and meat pies?”

Fans of the north London PLC are shocked that Kroenke, a man who has made millions buying sports teams, has chosen to profit from his involvement with Arsenal.

Season ticket holder Julian Cook said: “When we were bought by a serial entrepreneur from Missouri, I naturally assumed he was a lifelong Gooner who would pour every last penny of his fortune into the club and expect nothing in return.

“Now it’s like he only got involved to make a quick buck for himself, which is something nobody could have predicted of a self-made billionaire who also owns four teams in America, a number of stadiums and Wal-Mart.

“Kroenke needs to realise that just because he owns the place, he can’t go around acting like he owns the place. Since when did football become all about money, anyway?”

Supporters’ groups confirmed that all they wanted Kroenke to do was to win trophies, keep ticket prices down, spend heavily in the transfer market, and keep the club debt-free, but if it came down to it, they would take finishing just above Tottenham every year.