Putting heating on ‘like a bereavement’

TURNING the heating on after the summer is as traumatic as losing a reasonably well-liked relative, it has been claimed.

The Institute for Studies found pressing the boiler’s ‘start’ switch for the first time since the now-distant summer was a hugely traumatic experience.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “You’re acknowledging the death of the summer, the death of joy, and heralding months of gloom punctuated only by Christmas. Fucking Christmas.

“It’s as bad as losing a pet. Perhaps not a proper pet like a dog, but certainly a cat, if it’s one of those weird cats that never really comes in the house.

“Or a somewhat estranged grandparent who lives a long way away and you never properly bonded with. Anyway it’s sad.”

Father-of-two Tom Booker said: “The hardest part was telling the kids. They kept asking me why there was a gurgling sound coming from the radiators.

“Eventually I had to tell them that summer was dead.

“They asked if it was going to be okay. I had to tell them no, it isn’t. Then I went upstairs and got under a blanket.”