PACKS of wolves should be reintroduced to London to curb unmanageable population growth, experts have claimed.
The wolves, who last ran wild in the capital in the eighth century, will be prepared by training them in a dark grey maze and giving them a taste for human flesh.
Naturalist Dr Helen Archer said: “It’s a much more humane way to thin numbers than issuing hunting licences.
“The wolves, which are adult greys and can easily take down a full-grown man who has a latte in one hand and a laptop in the other.
“At first they’ll pick off the weak, the slow, and anyone who tries to livestream them on social media, but as their numbers and confidence grow we’re hoping nobody will be safe.
“Within six months they should have reduced the human population down to a more manageable level, as well as hugely cutting emissions and forcing the cancellation of Made In Chelsea.
“It’s okay, because if nature meant you to survive you’ll be fine.”
The news has boosted rent and property prices in the city by 12 per cent, because that is how London works.