Scientists find shorter python that compensates with sense of humour

SCIENTISTS have discovered a python of below average length that makes up for it by cracking jokes.

Shortly after the longest python on record was found in Malaysia, researchers located its far shorter cousin, Tom Logan, who is less than a metre and a half long but does funny stuff like putting moss on his head and pretending it is a wig.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “This is the first time we’ve seen a shorter animal that compensates, or perhaps over-compensates, for its small size by relentlessly making gags of varying quality.

“Larger predators seems to avoid it, perhaps because they find it tiresome.”

Short python Tom Logan said: “I’m all about the banter.

“Sometimes I like to lie in a straight line between two round stones, so that I look like a penis and testicles. Everyone loves that, it’s classic.

“I just come up with this stuff off the top of my head.”

Elephant Nikki Hollis said: “He’s okay in very small doses.”

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Idiot didn’t win on Grand National

TOM Logan has failed miserably to predict the winner of the Grand National, earning contempt from colleagues.

While fellow workers revelled in their winnings, Logan was forced to admit that he’d made the baffling decision to back a horse that didn’t even finish the race.

Emma Bradford said: “I’d always had a high opinion of Tom, but now I understand that he’s a moron.

“We were all gathered round comparing what we’d spent our National winnings on when Tom made some comment about his horse pulling up at the 14th.

“Nobody could believe that an intelligent man who has a respectable office job could fail so miserably to predict the winner of a horse race.”

While 39 horses started the Grand National and winner Rule The World was a relatively unfenced 33/1, every single person in Logan’s office appeared to have seen the win coming.

Tom Logan said: “In hindsight it was a pretty stupid mistake to make. I could bet on the race now I’d go with Rule The World, although I might still go each way.

“When I suggested that betting on the Grand National might involve a degree of luck, everyone went silent. Then my boss told me I’m working overtime next weekend.”