Potheads mourn author who got them back into reading

CANNABIS users are mourning the death of Howard Marks, whose autobiography got them back into reading.

Marks’s Mr Nice, a memoir of his drug smuggling exploits, was a literary milestone for many weed smokers who had previously lost interest in most books about a third of the way through.

Cannabis fan Tom Booker said: “I read books at school, then there was a hiatus of about a decade when the only thing I read fully was the graphic novel Watchmen.

“I started dozens of books but found them a bit confusing and I couldn’t relate to the subject matter because they weren’t about weed or out-smarting the police. Apart from that my cultural life was limited to Bill Hicks DVDs.

“However Mr Nice gripped me throughout. What a life. Ever since then I’ve been meaning to read another book, apparently there’s some cracking ones out there.”

Weed user Mary Fisher said: “Mr Nice made me realise books are not just oblong things that get lost down the side of the bed.

“They should put it on the GCSE syllabus instead of A Kestrel for a Knave, which is super depressing.”

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Dogs demand rational explanation for farts

THE UK’s baffled dogs have demanded to know what farts are, it has emerged.

Canines say they are no longer prepared to tolerate mysterious expulsions that cause them to become frightened and look around frantically.

Scots terrier Tom Logan said: “I’ve always thought that the phenomenon knows as ‘farting’ is caused by the an invisible ghost that lives up my arse.

“That’s why everyone looks terrified and goes in another room when it emerges with the scary sound.

“Perhaps however there is a more scientific explanation. Richard Dawkins must know what farts are, can’t somebody ask him?

“I’ve noticed that the ghost became louder after I ate a whole stale Battenberg cake that I found in the bin, so perhaps there is a link.”

Rottweiler Donna Sheridan said: “Perhaps one day we’ll understand farts, but until then I’ll just have to keep chasing my hind quarters with a confused look on my face.

“Personally I think farts are the sound of witches laughing.”