Scotland to release polar bears into wild just to see what happens

POLAR bears are to be set free into the Scottish countryside for the hell of it.

Breeding pairs have been given shelter five miles outside of Edinburgh and supplied with enough frozen deer to last the winter, with conservationists eager to see what will happen when they get hungry.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “They’ll either head into the highlands to live undisturbed, or by August they’ll be charging down the Royal Mile devouring jugglers like chicken nuggets.

“Either way it will be fascinating.”

He added: “This project will teach us a great deal, although admittedly about the very narrow subject of ‘what happens when you let loose polar bears in Scotland’.

“Science is the bollocks sometimes.”

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‘Very honest’ woman actually just horrible

A 29-YEAR-OLD woman who claims to be very honest and upfront with people is really just horrible, it has emerged.

While most people would be concerned by their tendency to upset everyone they encounter, Emma Bradford is under the misconception that it is an achievement.

She said: “I call it like I see it. I don’t suffer fools gladly and I think people appreciate that.

“But if they don’t, I couldn’t give a shit. It’s their problem not mine.”

Workmate Mary Fisher said: Most people tend to lead with small talk, maybe discuss the weather or what’s on TV, Emma will just go straight in with a detailed character assassination.

“Within the first 10 minutes of meeting Emma she will have called into question your hair style, your clothing, your religious beliefs and in fact the very point of your existence, funnily enough people often don’t like that.

“I guess you could say that she’s a strong personality, or that she’s a total fucking bitch.”