Monday, 19th April 2021

Snow falling across North as per bloody usual

SNOW is falling across Scotland and northern England just as it always does right into bloody August. 

Heavy Easter snowfall in Aberdeen, Leeds and Darlington has come as no surprise to their gritty, stoical residents, who regularly dig through blizzards while Londoners sunbathe.

28-year-old Bill McKay of Saddleworth, smiling grimly while Arctic winds whipped ice particles into his face, said: “Call this snow? This is nowt.

“It never stops up here. When we had two week in Bridlington last July the drifts were up to the windows of the static every day. Lovely holiday that. Bracing.

“Apparently down south they don’t even get snow in April, never mind August. Well no wonder they’re so bloody soft, with their City jobs and takeaway lattes.

“No, we’re not mithered by a bit of snow. Bread and butter to us. You Southern lot keep on running the country and leave us to it.”

Julian Cook of Winchester said: “Yes, that’s just as I’d always thought.”