Spring thinks it’s too late to start now

SPRING will bypass the UK this year after deciding that to arrive so late would be unbearably awkward.

The yearly weather pattern claimed the weight of expectation is just too much to bear.

Spring said: “I’ve given this a lot of thought, and it’s going to be better for everyone if we pick this up next year.

“To kick things off in April would just feel weird. Usually I like to be around for the equinox but for various reasons that didn’t happen.

“Personally I just feel that I need that time from March to June to do my thing, I like to tell a story with my work, to take everyone on a journey from lambs and blossom through into summer.

“Sorry if I’ve let anyone down but Winter says its fine to take the April-June slot.

“I’ll be back next year with something special for all those people who really like me.”

Winter said: “I’m getting all the hate here but it’s Spring that’s being a dick.

“That said, this is a great opportunity to convince everyone that subzero temperatures are the way forward.

“Also I’m going to be mixing it up a little, introducing some sunny days that look nice but when you go out in them are actually fucking freezing.”