Thursday, 2nd April 2020

Storm creates no problems for people who just wanted to stay in and get drunk

PEOPLE who had just wanted to stay at home and drink while watching TV have confirmed the storm was not a problem.

Researchers found that that people who watched Netflix while getting drunk or ‘gently toasted’ actively enjoyed having a storm as a backdrop.

Living room enthusiast, Nathan Muir said: “I hadn’t really planned on going for a 5k run or doing any disco dancing so I quite liked the storm. Gave me a reason to sit back in my reclining chair, drink hard liquor and stroke the dog.”

“Don’t get me wrong, it really was a bitter shame that the weather was too bad for me to go out and play a game of five-a-side football or do some gardening at 10pm but what can you do?”

“If it happens again tonight I may have to finish that bottle of Macallan and watch The Godfather 2. What a terrible shame.”