Summer confirms ‘bold, original’ ending

SUMMER has decided to end suddenly for artistic reasons, it has confirmed.

The season claimed it wanted to do something bold and original rather than just drag on for months while everyone slowly lost interest.

Summer said: “When thinking about how I was going to pan out, I was really inspired by the film No Country for Old Men. I love how you’re just getting into it then suddenly the main character’s dead without any fanfare or explanation.

“That’s kind of what I’m going for. Other seasons just do their three months or whatever, but I’m way deeper than that.

“You think you know what I’m going to do and then – rain.

“I like to play with people’s preconceptions of what a season is.”

Summer added that it might throw in another couple of sunny days amid the rain ‘to keep everyone on their toes’.

Sunshine fan Emma Bradford said: “Summer needs to get over itself and give the fans a proper ending. We’re not ready to be cold and wet.

“Nobody except the critics likes pretentious weather.”

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Thanks Pixar, say little shits

EVIL children have thanked Pixar’s Inside Out for putting the blame on cartoon characters.

Nine-year-old miscreant Julian Cook said: “I thought Inside Out out would be a boring girls’ film, but the idea that I’m somehow a puppet of animated characters representing my emotions really appealed.

“Yesterday I set fire to a garage, because ‘the cartoon voices in my head told me to do it’.

“I’ve decided there’s a character in my brain called Destroy Everything, he looks like a grapefruit and he tends to win out over Kindness or whatever the lame angel one is called.

“Destroy Everything is friends with another character called Harm Insects, who is fully responsible for what happened yesterday with the bees’ nest.

“Dad was furious but he knew he couldn’t argue with the complex morality of a Pixar cartoon.”