Sun unhealthily interested in bikini-clad women

THE sun is shining hard to encourage women into states of undress, it has emerged.

It said: “Things are getting hot out there. On a day like today you need to get loose and take off some layers, maybe slip into some beach wear or even sensuous lingerie.

“I’m not just talking to builders and drunk men who take their shirts off every day. I’m talking to all the ladies, the beautiful ladies of Earth.

“You’re amazing, each and every one of you.

“I’m not going to burn you, I’m going to tan you just right.”

Eleanor Shaw of Stafford said: “I was walking down the street in a vest top when I felt the sun’s rays intensify to the point where the tarmac was melting.

“I looked up and saw the glowing orb leering down. He’s followed me round all day, making me uncomfortable.

“Even when I’m home he’s peeping through the blinds. Pervert.”

The sun said: “Beautiful women, I know you’ve been going to the gym three times a week and eating right. Why hide yourselves?

“I’m shining and it’s time for you to shine too.”