BRITONS are sweating like pigs as the weather refuses to make up its mind.
Commuters unsure whether to dress for a pleasant spring evening or a trip to the ice planet Hoth are making public transport smell like a prison gym.
Sales administrator Nikki Hollis said: I was putting on gloves this morning because it was snowing. By the time I got to work they’d given me a tan line.
I’m experiencing more extremes of temperature than a menopausal malaria patient.”
The Met office has issued assurances that the current weather is perfectly normal for a climate thats completely fucked, and by June it will settle into being tolerably mild for a fortnight before winter starts again.
The forecast for the next seven days has become so convoluted that it was scrapped in favour of a statement simply reading: All of it. All the weather.
A side effect of the current conditions is that detailed weather chit-chat is preventing the discussion of important things.
Plumber Julian Cook said: My doctor never got round to telling me the results of my tests this morning, she was too busy describing how she found a lizard in her garden that looked like something from Spain.