Tuesday, 4th August 2020

The boomer's guide to not being responsible for climate change

BABY boomer? Feel unfairly attacked by the younger generation for the state you’ve got the world in? Here’s how to how to explain it definitely wasn’t your fault.

I took pop bottles back to the shop

Banging on about how you used to take Ben Shaw’s bottles back to the corner shop in exchange for thruppence doesn’t make you ecologically conscious; it just proves you needed to be bribed into recycling and deep down still feel you should be.

I walked to school every day

Boomers love complaining about kids today being driven to school in Mummy’s 4×4, conveniently forgetting that they spawned Mummy, the proliferation of 4x4s and the necessity of being driven to school so as not to be run over by the former in the latter.

I wore terry-towelling nappies

You were a baby, so it’s not like you were responsible for choosing those reusable nappies, was it? And the second you had your own kid you stocked up on new-fangled Pampers and waved them off merrily to landfill.

I never went on holiday

Perhaps as a kid your only holiday was a week in a caravan in Morecombe, but you invented modern tourism and go on four foreign holidays a year because it’s a shame to waste your massive final salary pension.

We didn’t know

Global warming was on the agenda in the 1970s. It was everywhere in the 1990s. It reached crisis in the 2010s. You had a wood-burning stove put in two years ago.