The Communities Living In Fear Of Global Warming Scientists

MORE than half of all communities in Britain are being terrorised by gangs of global warming scientists, it was claimed last night.

Research shows gangs are assaulting people in broad daylight if they cite references suggesting climate change may be caused by factors unrelated to human activity.

PE teacher Bill McKay, 44, from Sudbury, was attacked in the car park of his local pub after he was overheard telling friends how much he enjoyed Top Gear.

He said: "They told me my contention was erroneous and suggested I was being paid lots of money by General Motors. And then one of them kneed me squarely in the balls."

He added: "A couple of weeks later that George Monbiot came up to me and said that if I didn't stop going on about the prevalence of volcanic emissions in the upper atmosphere he'd give me a peer-reviewed kicking.

"I have no idea what he's talking about."

The Department of the Environment has refused to recognise the problem of global warming violence and stressed the research has already been dismissed by some of the most respected global warming gang leaders in the country.

A spokesman said: "Look, would you just piss off and leave me alone alright?

"If they know I've been talking to you they'll tie me to the back of their Lexus and drag me to an REM concert."

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Karadzic Hands In Notice At Belgrade Video Shop

FORMER Bosnian Serb leader Radovan Karadzic has been forced to hand in his notice at the Belgrade video shop where has been working for the last 12 years.

Karadzic joined Blockbustic, the city's largest video rental store in 1996, usually working Sunday to Thursday, although recently he has been covering Friday and Saturday nights.

He handed in his name badge and his company polo shirt early this morning after being arrested for genocide and crimes against humanity.

Regulars said they were sad to see him go as he was always helpful and had a knack for recommending romantic comedies.

Milos Petrovic, 44, said: "I no interest in Harry meet with Sally, but Radovan say give it chance.

"He right. Billy Crystal on top form, Meg Ryan very charming. I have what she have!"

He added: "I still think he better at persecuting muslims and waging fearsome war on enemies of Greater Serbian Motherland, but a job's a job."

A spokesman for Serbian President Boris Tadic said the country's recent moves to join the European Union had led directly to Mr Karadzic's false beard falling off on the bus.