MORE than half of all communities in Britain are being terrorised by gangs of global warming scientists, it was claimed last night.
Research shows gangs are assaulting people in broad daylight if they cite references suggesting climate change may be caused by factors unrelated to human activity.
PE teacher Bill McKay, 44, from Sudbury, was attacked in the car park of his local pub after he was overheard telling friends how much he enjoyed Top Gear.
He said: "They told me my contention was erroneous and suggested I was being paid lots of money by General Motors. And then one of them kneed me squarely in the balls."
He added: "A couple of weeks later that George Monbiot came up to me and said that if I didn't stop going on about the prevalence of volcanic emissions in the upper atmosphere he'd give me a peer-reviewed kicking.
"I have no idea what he's talking about."
The Department of the Environment has refused to recognise the problem of global warming violence and stressed the research has already been dismissed by some of the most respected global warming gang leaders in the country.
A spokesman said: "Look, would you just piss off and leave me alone alright?
"If they know I've been talking to you they'll tie me to the back of their Lexus and drag me to an REM concert."