The Earth: is it flat or round? An unbiased BBC report

THE BBC is always at pains to present both sides of an argument. Here news editor Nathan Muir discusses the ongoing ‘round or flat Earth’ debate. 

A controversy is currently raging as to whether the Earth is flat, or, as some scientists have speculated, spherical.

Certainly photographic images from the Apollo missions would seem to suggest the latter. Others, however, such as the experts at the Flat Earth Society, say this is nonsense and the Earth cannot be round because we’d all roll off.

Therefore in our latest report on the flat/round Earth debate we decided to ask random people in Lincolnshire, far away from metropolitan bias. They maintained that for them the earth is very flat indeed and therefore the whole planet must be the same.

Naturally both sides have accused us of bias.

Flat earthers believe we are in the pay of scientists, who in turn are bribed by NASA – an allegation we take very seriously. Meanwhile ‘Rounders’ insist the BBC should side with them, often in very strong terms such as “Oh for f*ck’s sake!”.

All of which goes to show – we must be doing something right!

So, taking all points of view into account, which is it? Is the Earth flat or round? 

As ever in these matters, the truth lies somewhere in between. In all probability the Earth is both flat and round, like a squashed orange.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Girlfriend flees scene after doing unflushable poo

A WOMAN has fled her new boyfriend’s house after doing an unflushable poo in his toilet.

Francesca Johnson was enjoying a pleasant summer evening at new love Tom Logan’s flat when she went to the bathroom and unleashed a turd of epic proportions. 

Realising her mistake as water rose to the top of the bowl, Johnson escaped out of the bathroom window rather than admit her floater to Logan.

She said: “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life. Tom’s not meant to know I do poos, let alone large ones. 

“I considered throwing it out of the window and blaming the dog, but that was getting too complicated. Instead I did the sensible thing and weirdly just disappeared.”

Logan said: “I’m stunned. I had no idea Francesca defecated. I thought she only went to the toilet to emit a stream of lavender and rose petals.

“I’ve genuinely never seen a poo that big. The plumber was here for two hours and just kept shaking his head. I’ll be sending Francesca the bill.”