TREES have been told to immediately pick up all the leaves they have dumped everywhere or face the consequences.
Following a wild night during which they waved their branches in the air as if they just did not care, the trees have left the country covered in debris which they expect others to clear up.
Forest ranger Bill McKay said: “There’s leaves at the side of every street, and when you ask trees what they’re going to do about it they just shrug their branches as if to say ‘Autumn innit.’
“I know they can move, I’ve seen Lord of the Rings, and if they don’t start clearing up this mess sharpish we’re getting the chainsaws out.”
Ash tree Roy Hobbs said: “Don’t threaten me unless you want me tapping on your window at 4am.”