Sunday, 8th December 2019

UK bins to stink 'worse than bins in Ibiza' this weekend

THE heatwave set to hit the UK this weekend will see the country’s bins reeking even worse than bins in Ibiza, weathermen have announced. 

Temperatures of up to 40 degrees will mean that British alleyways will be outstenching comparable alleys in Barcelona, Rome, Corfu and Ayia Napa, with buzzing flies at record levels.

Meteorologist Denys Finch Hatton said: “After a wet and odour-dampening couple of months, it’s great news for fans of a really powerful reek.

“This warm front is really going to kick decomposition into high gear, with those big bins behind restaurants and school canteens absolutely unendurable.

“Do try to be careful if you’re walking past one, especially mid-afternoon, and check on older neighbours who may need kitchen bins emptying. Otherwise, enjoy it!”

Helen Archer of Reading said: “I’ve been to Majorca in summer and the whole place smells like something died.

“To think that we’ll have worse than that here in Britain, well – it does make you a little bit proud.”