BRITAIN is alive with happy families surreptitiously releasing beavers into the wild for kicks. Why have you joined the latest craze?
Lucy Parry, activist: “Restoring the balance of nature, which is to say if privatised water companies can’t build any bloody reservoirs we’ll have to coax beavers to do it.”
Norman Steele, pipe-layer: “I’ve always enjoyed those Beavers Gone Wild! films so I thought I’d recreate them here in Leicestershire. Oh God it’s girls, isn’t it, not beavers.”
Susan Traherne, travel agent: “Frankly I’ve got too many beavers round the f**king house already.”
Steve Malley, shopfitter: “Is it true what they say about their sweet vanilla-scented anal glands? Only I’m already out in the woods at night getting high licking toads and I don’t mind diversifying.”
Julian Cook, solicitor: “Hate trees.”
