We charge diesel drivers extra because they’re dirty bastards, say oil companies

DIESEL costs more than petrol as punishment for diesel motorists’ uncleanliness, oil companies have admitted.

The wholesale diesel price is now 2p a litre below petrol, but diesel still costs 4p more at the pumps because drivers of diesel cars ‘are animals who need a lesson’, said a Shell spokesman.

He continued: “The lorries overtaking each other at 0.00047mph? Diesel. The black cab that just cut you up at the lights? Diesel.

“That Nissan Qashqai deafening you with its chugging engine while you choke on its black, black exhaust fumes? You got it in one, my friend.

“They keep their cars like the bin outside a Greggs, they keep their houses like the specialist magazine section at Lymm Truck Stop, and they never wash, preferring to rub their filthy, sooty discharge into their oily skin.

“Farmers obviously get to do that with untaxed red diesel.”

Bill McKay, who drives a petrol-engine Ford S-Max, said: “So they’re different from me, and wrong, and so need to be charged more because of that?

“I can go along with that, certainly.”