Thursday, 13th May 2021

We want you to hear us having sex, say foxes

FOXES get off on people hearing them having loud sex, they have admitted.

The mammals, famed for their screeching late-night banging sessions, have finally confirmed that they are massive exhibitionists.

Fox Roy Hobbs said: “You think we have loud, public sex while humans are trying to get to sleep by accident? Please. We’re all kinky as shit.

“When we’re shagging I’m like, ‘Yeah, get a load of this, you sexually repressed suburban squares. This is what a real fox stud and a hot vixen sound like doing it.’

“We love it and we’re not going to be fox-shamed for our lifestyle. From what we’ve seen through windows, humans having sex can get pretty raunchy. Yeah, we’re voyeurs too.”

He added: “If any broadminded couples want to hook up, just leave your mobile number on a Post-it on your bin.”