Welsh weather explained to TripAdvisor beach judges

THE TripAdvisor judges who rated a Welsh beach as one of the world’s top ten are being educated on the country’s weather.

The rain hides the tears

The rain hides the tears

Rhossili Bay, near Swansea, beat beaches in Cuba, Brazil, Hawaii, Greece and various other locations where it doesn’t piss it down every August.

Swansea resident Francesca Johnson said: “I concede that on a blazing hot July day, the Rhossili beach could be briefly likened to such exotic locations. But such a day will never, ever come.

“Rhossili Bay is in Wales. It is shrouded in drizzle when not battered by vicious storms. And the golden sand, while lovely, is usually being blown into your face with enough force to strip flesh.”

Travel writer Joseph Turner agreed: “Context is key. Mere feet from Brazil’s Lopes Mendes beach, a grinning barman slices fresh limes to make you a mojito while hypnotising thong-clad bottoms sashay past.

“In Wales, by contrast, a pub that still adheres to the licensing laws of the 1940s will charge you £8.90 for a J2O while feral teenagers push your car into the sea.

“And nowhere can be considered a paradise if to reach it one has to travel through Port Talbot.”

A TripAdvisor judge said: “The ‘dragon’ thing caused some confusion, we thought Wales was an Indonesian island like Komodo.

“In future we shall stick to what we’re good at – passive aggressive reviews and counter-reviews about creepy bed and breakfasts.”