Welsh weather explained to TripAdvisor beach judges

THE TripAdvisor judges who rated a Welsh beach as one of the world’s top ten are being educated on the country’s weather.

Rhossili Bay, near Swansea, beat beaches in Cuba, Brazil, Hawaii, Greece and various other locations where it doesn’t piss it down every August.

Swansea resident Francesca Johnson said: “I concede that on a blazing hot July day, the Rhossili beach could be briefly likened to such exotic locations. But such a day will never, ever come.

“Rhossili Bay is in Wales. It is shrouded in drizzle when not battered by vicious storms. And the golden sand, while lovely, is usually being blown into your face with enough force to strip flesh.”

Travel writer Joseph Turner agreed: “Context is key. Mere feet from Brazil’s Lopes Mendes beach, a grinning barman slices fresh limes to make you a mojito while hypnotising thong-clad bottoms sashay past.

“In Wales, by contrast, a pub that still adheres to the licensing laws of the 1940s will charge you £8.90 for a J2O while feral teenagers push your car into the sea.

“And nowhere can be considered a paradise if to reach it one has to travel through Port Talbot.”

A TripAdvisor judge said: “The ‘dragon’ thing caused some confusion, we thought Wales was an Indonesian island like Komodo.

“In future we shall stick to what we’re good at – passive aggressive reviews and counter-reviews about creepy bed and breakfasts.”

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New pound coin provokes tiresome pensioner nostalgia

THE ‘thrupenny bit’-influenced £1 coin has left pensioners unable to shut up about how cheap everything used to be.

The new coin looks like a 3d piece from wartime, which pensioners say would get you tickets for a George Formby film, a ‘great big’ bag of Little Imps and your tram fare home.

89-year-old Mary Fisher said: “One thrupenny bit bought you a week’s worth of tripe, a family tin of snuff and a two-picture double bill at the Palladium.

“It was always two pictures back then, and they had a man playing the piano during the interlude when they came round with the ice creams. They had one sort of lovely British ice cream, none of this foreign Solero rubbish.

“Of course the Palladium’s a Lidl these days. Oh no that’s the Empire. The Lidl was a butcher’s, or something else.

“Anyway everything’s ruined now.”

25-year-old Tom Logan said: “Since my nan set eyes on this coin she’s been unable to shut up.

“I’ve tried explaining how ‘thrupence’ wasn’t the paltry sum she remembers because grandad only earned a shilling a week for 90 hours of shovelling coal into a furnace.

“Luckily she’s already in a home, so we can avoid her simply by not going there.”