We're not weird, say fish

FISH have spoken out against the widely-held supposition that they are weird. 

The rebuttal, which includes a lawsuit against clothing company Weird Fish, also blasts Sir David Attenborough’s Blue Planet for ‘perpetuating stereotypes’. 

Sea bass Tom Booker said: “It was bad enough when it was just stoners blowing their weed-addled minds about how strange we were. But now it’s gone mainstream. 

“‘Oh, angler fish are bizarre because they’ve got lights on their heads!’ Yeah? You try living at 1,500m below the surface, under incredible pressure, in complete darkness. See how you evolve. 

“The ocean and freshwater-based community is largely unremarkable, as well you know. Bit slippery, bit silvery, good at swimming, perfectly adapted to their environment

“But instead of accepting that, you cherry-pick out the most freakish among us – seriously, we’ve hardly heard of these guys – and put them in the spotlight to confirm your prejudices.

“We’re not your ‘weird’ accessory. Fuck off and goggle at insects.” 

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Most Britons think 'The Good Friday Agreement' was presented by Chris Evans

TWO decades on from the Good Friday Agreement, most Britons think it was a telly programme with Chris Evans. 

A countrywide survey showed that 18 per cent believed it concerned Ireland, 22 per cent thought it recognised Boyzone’s win at Eurovision and 60 thought it was a telly programme where Chris Evans took the piss out of someone called Will.

Nathan Muir of Doncaster said: “I think the Good Friday Agreement was a landmark in history because of the way it combined improvised comic banter with high quality guests like Backstreet Boys and Kylie.

“I’m not getting it mixed up with The Big Breakfast, am I? That would be embarrassing.”

However mother-of-four Susan Traherne said: “I remember it was on a Friday, because Easter isn’t some years, is it? Tony Blair was very pleased. I think he needed the soldiers for Iraq.”

And Theresa May of central London said: “Literally never heard of it until really recently. Turns out it’s…complicated.”