We've left the EU, so why are we sweltering in their unbearably hot weather?

ASK any Brit what they know about abroad and they’ll tell you it’s too hot. So why are we suffering their continental temperatures? 

Britain left the European Union in 2020. The single market, the customs union, the lot. And ever since then our so-called neighbours across the channel have done everything possible to spite us.

From refusing to take all the refugees to insisting we follow the withdrawal agreement, EUrocrats are single-mindedly focused on bashing Britain. And now they’re doing it with the weather.

Ignore the experts. When I step onto the streets of my Surrey town and the sun’s shining like I’m in Praia da Luz, you can’t fool me. I know where that’s come from.

All their other tricks haven’t worked so now Europe’s trying to bake us out. For years they’ve heard us say ‘it’s alright for a holiday but I couldn’t live here’ as we traipse around Kos, and now they’re acting on it.

They know we don’t live in beachside resorts with swimming pools like they do. They know how much we suffer when it’s boiling and there’s no all-inclusive bar handing out iced cocktails.

Make no mistake, they’re laughing at us. They’ve got our good summer rain and they’re chuckling at the thought of our sunburned faces in the suffocating heat they’ve piped over.

Bloody Europeans. Is there anything that’s not their fault? I’m voting for whichever Tory promises to sort this sun out.

The Daily Mash in your inbox
privacy

Middle-class family think Aldi is food bank

A MIDDLE-CLASS family have nothing but sympathy for the plight of those poor people visiting Aldi, which they believe is a food bank. 

The Cooks, of East Grinstead, drove past their local branch of Aldi and expressed amazement that food banks are such an established part of British life that it looks almost like a normal supermarket.

Julian Cook, partner at a law practice, said: “I’m torn. It’s marvellous that they’ve made it resemble an ordinary part of British life and taken away the stigma and shame.

“Yet at the same time it pains me that poverty has become so endemic that it’s a professional set-up. I mean we saw one of these on holiday in Weymouth. As a nation we shouldn’t stand for that.

Wife Hannah Cook agreed: “You see the people, pushing their trolleys full of unbranded goods to their cars and your heart absolutely sinks. You wish you could do something, but I already do a direct debit for £20 a month so I’m at my limit. 

“One of the juniors at work mentioned that he popped in for lunch. Just admitted it, like it was no big deal. Incredibly brave but it’s tragic how accepted it’s become.”