World's oldest intact shipwreck can't be that intact or it wouldn't have sunk

THE world’s ‘oldest intact shipwreck’ must have a hole in it somewhere or it would not be a shipwreck, experts have reasoned. 

The discovery of a 2,400-year-old vessel at the bottom of the Black Sea has some experts claiming its mast, rudders, rowing benches and hull are perfectly preserved, and others calling bullshit. 

Maritime archaeologist Julian Cook said: “Completely intact? What happened then, did it just forget how to float? 

“Stands to reason it suffered some damage. You check that hull properly and I bet there’s a great big hole in it somewhere, where the water came in. 

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a great discovery, but let’s not get carried away. When I was a kid they went on about how incredibly preserved the Mary Rose was. Have you seen it? It’s a fucking wreck.

“Or the alternative is that it is completely intact, but it was just a really, really crap ship. In which case who cares anyway.” 

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Man who didn't put happy moment on Instagram surprised he still enjoyed it

FAILING to post a photo of every single vaguely pleasant moment of your life does not mean you are not having a good time, it has emerged.

Tom Logan, 31, was so enthralled by a sunset he was watching with his girlfriend that he forgot to take a picture, and yet found that his enjoyment of it was in no way diminished by it not happening through a screen.

Logan said: “Usually I spend so long cocking about trying to take a good picture of something that the only pleasure I actually I get out of it is when three people click ‘like’ on Instagram.

“I once ruined a romantic holiday with my girlfriend because I made her spend hours doing handstands so I could take a picture where it looked like the moon was rising out of her bum.

“But it turns out I can just enjoy my life without constantly taking photos and then waste even more time adding a filter that makes it look like my dad took it in 1975 for no reason whatsoever.”

Logan’s girlfriend Donna Sheridan said: “It was a bit of a shit sunset but at least it stopped Tom taking pictures of his shoelaces for ten minutes.”