World’s oldest intact shipwreck can’t be that intact or it wouldn’t have sunk

THE world’s ‘oldest intact shipwreck’ must have a hole in it somewhere or it would not be a shipwreck, experts have reasoned. 

The discovery of a 2,400-year-old vessel at the bottom of the Black Sea has some experts claiming its mast, rudders, rowing benches and hull are perfectly preserved, and others calling bullshit. 

Maritime archaeologist Julian Cook said: “Completely intact? What happened then, did it just forget how to float? 

“Stands to reason it suffered some damage. You check that hull properly and I bet there’s a great big hole in it somewhere, where the water came in. 

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a great discovery, but let’s not get carried away. When I was a kid they went on about how incredibly preserved the Mary Rose was. Have you seen it? It’s a fucking wreck.

“Or the alternative is that it is completely intact, but it was just a really, really crap ship. In which case who cares anyway.”