THE public has been warned to keep away from farmers after a yoghurt fan was shot while asking a Welsh herdsman to ‘bust some rhymes’.
Tom Logan, a 24-year-old sales executive, received shotgun injuries to the thigh and multiple collie bites within seconds of entering the farmyard.
He said: “I was hoping to get the farmer to do a fun rap or big boy band-esque ballad in the style of the Yeo Valley adverts, so that I could film it on my iPhone and play it to work colleagues.
“But when I approached him with a cheery ‘yo’ he shot me twice, and told his nasty gimlet-eyed dog to bite my cheeks off. Which it did.”
He added: “The experience has really shaken my faith in television advertising.”
Farmer behaviour expert Nikki Hollis said: “The popular series of Yeo Valley adverts has created an image in the public’s mind of farmers as handsome, sociable entertainers with a wry sense of humour.
“In fact, most farmers are passionate shotgun owners who sleep in their coats and get up at four in the morning to spend their days alone sitting freezing on tractors, ploughing eerily-precise parallel furrows as they think about beheading the chairman of Tesco.”
Farmer Roy Hobbs said: “Fuck off or I’ll let the dogs out.
“You’ve got no business here.”