Mensch continues to create unusual stirrings

LOUISE Mensch has become the number one cause of odd, conflicted stirrings among Guardian readers, according to a new poll.

'I want to argue about religion with her in the shower'

As the Tory MP faced down Twitter threats with a typically arousing mixture of stern disapproval and smouldering indignation, thousands of humanities lecturers across the country had to get up from their desks and go for a bit of a walk.

Wayne Hayes, from Finsbury Park, said: “I try to focus on her whole abortion and foxhunting ghastliness but then the image of her in jodhpurs, carrying a riding crop pops unbidden into my head and I come over all peculiar.

“While I firmly believe that the objectification of women has been a major part of their subjugation in Western civilisation and that the sisterhood deserves respect after their heroic struggle against phallocentric society, I have to admit I have knocked myself about something silly thinking about Ms Mensch.”

Mensch first came to prominence with her role in the phone hacking enquiry giving Guardian readers the odd feeling that a dark corner of their psyche was being played out in parliament.

Hayes added: “Here was the most evil organisation ever to have existed, but they were being brought to task by the kind of person I normally accuse of being Hitler at dinner parties.

“The next thing I know I’m imagining her tying James Murdoch up and extracting answers from him by dripping candle wax on his nipples.

“I blame Labour for this. I might be a lifelong party member but our pinup girl is Harriet Harman. It would be easier to knock one out with a cactus strapped to your palm.”