'£5 per twist of the pepper mill, you hear me?' says Rick Stein, holding customer up against wall

A CUSTOMER who dined at one of Rick Stein’s restaurants described just how strict his controversial policy of paying for condiments really is.

While eating at St Petroc’s Bistro, Nathan Muir was horrified to be confronted by the celebrity chef after innocently putting some pepper on his dinner.

Muir said: “I got a bad feeling when I walked in and noticed that the cutlery was chained to the table. And when my wife asked for one of those squeezy ketchup bottles for her cod and chips, they took her watch as security.

“But I thought no one would mind if I put a little bit of seasoning on my prawn linguine, you know, like is normal in a restaurant. However, as soon as the crack of the pepper mill echoed around the restaurant I knew I’d made a mistake.

“Instantly, Stein was at my table, puce-faced with fury. He grabbed me by my lapels and demanded that I hand over a fiver or I’d be paying with my teeth instead.”

When asked about the charges, Stein blamed inflation, saying: “Look, the cost of living affects us all, even multi-millionaires who charge 30 quid for a basic fish curry.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to brandish this broken snooker cue at someone I saw smuggling in their own sachets of brown sauce.”

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'We had unprotected sex, pay us for it,' say couple holding baby shower

A COUPLE are demanding money and presents just because they got laid, it has emerged.

James and Eleanor Shaw, who are expecting a baby in three months, are sharing the joy of their new arrival by demanding financial compensation from unsuspecting friends.

Eleanor said: “We quickly realised having a baby is f**king expensive. There’s so much shit you have to buy – nappies, clothes, those fancy Montessori toys I’ve seen on Etsy. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and we thought, why shouldn’t it take a village to pay for one too?”

James added: “The great thing about baby showers is they literally mean ‘shower us with stuff’. Normally, it’d be really awkward asking people for money or goods, especially when we don’t know them that well.

“But by inviting them to our house for a wholesome gathering, they have no excuse. If they don’t bring an envelope of cash or a gift, they’re guaranteed to look like heartless bastards who hate our unborn child.”

Friend Lucy Parry said: “I hate baby showers. Why do I have to schlep to their house for a soppy party, just because they didn’t use a condom?

“They can have a multipack of wet wipes and a supermarket teddy, and then I’ll be sneaking out to get pissed in the garden.”