Recommended serving sizes told to mind their own f**king business

SO-CALLED serving sizes have been told to go fuck themselves.

Consumers have universally condemned the completely made-up values determining that three fifths of a chocolate bar is a normal amount to eat, and that four Pringles is enough.

Holding up box of cereal and a bowl, Consumer Helen Archer said: “Apparently, I’m only supposed to fill this up half way. Why isn’t it half as big then? Riddle me that, geniuses.

“A serving size is when I’m full and not before.”

Serving Size Coordinator Wayne Hayes “I have my own method for determining serving sizes, and it involves a pen, a piece of paper and six cans of strong lager.

“They can’t fire me because I’m a violent maniac.”

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Is Liverpool's comeback the most irritating of all time? 

LIVERPOOL’S unbelievable comeback to beat Barcelona four-nil yesterday was intensely irritating for most of Britain. But was it the most irritating of all time? Check out the contenders: 

Liverpool v AC Milan, 2005

Liverpool’s last infuriating comeback won them the bloody cup and meant they could put another bloody gold star on their replica bloody strips, the wankers. Bloody good game though. 

England’s World Cup Run, 2018

Just as English fans had finally faced up to the team being crap, laughable and doomed to shameful failure, they ruin everyone’s summer plans by gallingly being decent again, the fuckers. Now we’ll hope and that’s the last thing we wanted. 

The Stone Roses, 2012

The return of the baggy-trousered Mancunians got the nation in a frenzy to see them play their limited repertoire which you couldn’t hear because twats sang along to everything, even the guitar solos. Bonus: mostly the same twats as the Liverpool and United comebacks above. 

Wispa Gold, 2009

We wanted Wispa back, not its sickly caramel-leaking brother. Fuck off.