PEOPLE of 18 and over complaining about paper drinking straws have been reminded they could lift their drinking vessels to their mouths like the grown-ups they are.
Those complaining have also been advised that paper straws are not difficult to use, that change is inevitable and if they are whinging about this then riding a bike to work will surely kill them and none too soon.
Emma Bradford said: “Don’t like paper straws? Cut out the fucking middleman.
“If you’re over 12 years old and unlikely to tip your drink all over youself, you need a very good excuse for a straw in your drink and ‘being a bellend’ isn’t good enough.
“Maybe – maybe – if you’re on a hen night and you’re drinking from a hollowed-out melon it’s justified, because hen nights are as damaging to the environment as transatlantic flights anyway.
“But for anyone else, there’s only one thing that makes you look more of a twat than drinking fizzy pop with a red and white stripy straw, and that’s complaining about it.
“Either shut up, swig it out of the bottle, or die of thirst.”