A HALF-USED bag of quinoa in a kitchen cupboard has outlasted its owner’s last three relationships, he has realised.
Tom Booker bought the bag in 2016 in an attempt to impress a girl he was seeing who read books and listened to Radio 4, and it has remained in his home through a further two failed relationships.
He said: “I bought it to put in salads, which I don’t like, and this makes them even worse.
“But however much I use it never seems to go down. It’s like a mealy Terminator.
“I bought it for Emma, who rightly spotted it as a desperate attempt to pretend to be who I’m not, and kept it through Leanne, who didn’t even notice it, and through Natalie, who hated and laughed at me for having it. I miss her.”
Booker’s ex Emma Bradford said: “Perhaps when the bag is empty the curse will be broken and Tom will find the person for him. Or maybe when he finds the perfect girl they’ll finish it together.
“Or maybe he’s just a lazy bastard who eats spaghetti on toast five nights a week.”