Barbecue make man strong like bear

By deputy office manager Norman Steele

MAN was weak and girly and work in office where he bullied by woman, but now him strong. Him have meat. Him have barbecue.

Man plan barbecue many days. Man hunt sausages and burgers in Asda. Him even find steak. “How much you spend?” say wife of man. “Not that much,” him say. Him not mention luxury coleslaw.

Barbecue take many hour to prepare. Charcoal heavy but man strong. Even cooking temperature hard to achieve but man wise and put firelighters in right places.

Many people come to barbecue. Man take charge of meat. Man feel powerful. Man tell jokes. Man flirt with woman of other man and wife annoyed. Man not care. Him strong.

Man in charge of what go on barbecue. Him feel like leader of tribe. Him SHOULD be leader of tribe. Him going to ask for promotion at work. Him will. It not just the Becks talking.

Other man at barbecue, Gar-Eth, have barbecue fortnight ago. But Gar-Eth barbecue small disposable one. Him only serve very cheap sausages. Man have defeated Gar-Eth.

Man feel proud of barbecue. In head him soar like eagle, and have leftovers can go in fridge.


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Trump bringing bezzie mate Putin to UK

PRESIDENT Trump has invited Vladimir Putin to come with him to Britain when he visits next month because he “knew we wouldn’t mind”.

Trump claims the invite is a good idea because it will stop him getting bored and he and Putin can dick around while sightseeing in London.

He said: “You ever talk to Theresa May? Tremendously uninteresting. Really tremendously uninteresting. Doesn’t golf.

“But Putin, now there’s a guy you can have fun with. I can just see us on top of a sightseeing bus shouting ‘Call this a capital city, asshats?’ and throwing fries at people.

“Vlad – he’s Vlad, I’m Donny – will be coming to all my official engagements with the Queen and those guys so there’ll be someone on my wavelength. Y’know, who’ll do an armpit fart if things really drag.

“Hey, you know what? Maybe we’ll invite Kim too. The whole pussy posse tearing down olde London town. It’ll be incredible.”

Theresa May said: “As ever, I will continue to pretend this is a good idea.”