Monday, 25th May 2020

Best thing about restaurants is going for a poo, say toddlers

TODDLERS have agreed that their favourite thing about visiting grown-up restaurants is going for a poo the moment food arrives. 

Children aged between 18 months and four years confirmed that they like the ice-cream, they like the crayons and they like being given daddy’s phone to make them shut up, but best of all they like to defecate.

Three-year-old Jamie Logan said: “They’ll try and make you go at home, but don’t fall for it. Keep those bowels nice and full until you get to the restaurant then let the good times roll.

“Do your colouring, have your Coke, then just as the buffalo wings arrive fresh and fragrant announce you’ve got a delivery to make of your own.

“Cram into a toilet with a parent, produce a staggering amount of stinking excreta, then open the door while mum’s still having a wee. Good times.

“Then burst into tears when the hand dryer goes on. That thing is f**king terrifying.”