Calzone just f**ked up pizza, admit chefs
CHEFS have finally admitted calzone is just a normal pizza they have bollocksed up.
Professional cooks have revealed they only serve the Italian folded pizza dish because gullible customers think it is ‘rustic’, which makes them all continental and sophisticated.
Chef Martin Bishop said: “Chefs have been passing off calzone as real food because they don’t want to admit they can’t cook a round piece of dough with some stuff sprinkled on top.
“Calzones happen for all sorts of reasons. Last night I dropped a pizza on the floor and it got stuck together. Dough costs money so I just wiped off the mouse droppings and put it in the oven.
“Or maybe you want to increase profits by making pizza with rubbish ingredients like mouldy cheese and Spam. Just make a calzone. What you can’t see won’t hurt you, apart from the food poisoning.
“Restaurants have been passing off their pizza malfunctions as a separate dish for years. I might start calling burnt toast ‘artisanal char-baked focaccia’. Someone’s bound to buy it.”
Restaurant customer Emma Bradford said: “Last night all the plebs were eating normal pizza, but I had a calzone which was really doughy and burnt on the outside. I’m so much better than them.”