Monday, 25th May 2020

Carrot in f**ked-up relationship with stick

A CARROT has confessed it is locked into a dysfunctional toxic co-dependent relationship with a stick. 

Carrot Wayne Hayes, who believes the whole thing began because opposites attract, wishes he could get out of the whole thing but feels unable to.

He said: “I just want to be nice. Is that so wrong?

“At first I guess I liked her whole no-nonsense approach but as time went by she became so controlling. I couldn’t get close to anyone without her being there, hanging over us.

“I’d be like ‘Hey, over here everyone’ and she’s immediately ‘yeah you’d better get over there if you don't want me to get angry’ while pushing me further away. I suppose she thinks she’s helping, but everyone’s just scared of her.

“There’s a lot to be said for ‘just carrot’ I’ve always thought. Don’t let her hear me say that.”