A WOMAN shopping for a new top is unable to find one that has not been ruined by an unnecessary details like a fake pockets or odd words.
Nikki Hollis has tried on numerous tops in numerous shops, only to reject them all after discovering a bizarre feature that renders them unwearable.
She said: “All I want is a normal item of clothing that doesn’t have one shoulder cut out or diamante spelling out ‘THAT BITCH’ across the back.
“Instead I find jumpers cropped to show the belly or so oversized they look like I’m drowning in chenille, dresses where they’ve missed out the sides, and blouses covered in fucking flamingos. Why?
“If I wanted words on my clothes I’d Tippex them on myself, when I’m 12. But I don’t. Especially not about being ‘a girl’, hashtags or shitty 90s rock bands I hated the first time around.
“I just want a top that looks nice, has a pocket for my car keys and doesn’t have a pattern of sickly yellow frogspawn. Is that too much to ask?”
She added: “I managed to find one that looks decent. Oh, it appears to have buckles over the nipples. How normal.”