WE’RE constantly being told how great comfort food is, especially during lockdown. But how does it fare against actual problems? Writer Ryan Whittaker kept a diary:
The toilet’s broken. Called a plumber but it’s £150 I can ill afford and he won’t be here until 6pm. Stressed. Turned to comfort food and made myself a creamy mushroom pasta bake. Toilet still broken and I’m dangerously close to emptying the bomb bay.
Really depressed today about being single for three years. I just want to be loved like any other person. That’s not too much to ask. So I made a massive bowl of buttery mashed potatoes, filmed myself eating them while crying about how lonely I am, and tweeted it. Still single. Bit fatter.
My substantial gambling debts saw debt collectors come round. They were extremely threatening and kicked me in the testicles, so I made a luxurious Nigel Slater lamb hotpot. They took my laptop and said they’ll be back next week to break my fingers.
Lockdown really getting to me. Feel like I’m going slowly insane. All personal hygiene abandoned. I thought BBC Good Food’s fish-and-chips pie would resolve the situation, but when I finished it lockdown was still on and there’s a painful fungal growth in my armpit.
My house caught fire and I’m not insured. Luckily I had a recipe for one-pot sausage casserole, so I popped it in the oven as the flames took hold. I assumed this would sort everything out, but when I got to the emergency homeless shelter I discovered the sausages were still raw in the middle.
Despite my recent experiences, I have total faith in comfort food. Today I got hit by a bus, causing 16 serious fractures, but I’ve got a tray of chocolate brownies on the go so no worries.