Dreadful couple referring to 'their' butcher

A MIDDLE-CLASS couple have informed you that they got the lamb for tonight’s dinner from ‘their’ butcher. 

Susan and Rory Traherne said they ordered the rack of lamb two weeks ago, paid for it last week and collected it today from their butcher, who they strongly imply did it as a special favour to them.

Susan said: “Clive knows us, you see. He knows what we like.

“He’s not our only butcher – there’s a wonderful man we see at the farmers’ market who’s secured some very special cuts for us – but Clive is our absoute favourite.

“And he’s only five minutes’ drive from our fishmonger! So convenient.”

Guest Joanna Kramer said: “‘Their’ butcher? I’d like to see them call him that it to his face.”

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Man accepts that wife losing favourite top is his fault 

A HUSBAND has accepted full blame for his wife losing her favourite top, he has confirmed. 

Tom Booker is also personally responsible for wife Nicola Booker’s missing glasses and one of her green Asics trainers and for her leaving her phone charger at work.

He said: “It’s her grey top, she put it in the wash, the wash has been put away, it can’t have just bloody vanished. But somewhere in that cycle it slipped through my fingers.

“I knew going into this marriage I would have to note the whereabouts of every single thing Nicky owns in case she suddenly decides she needs it.

“Unfortunately, I’m a failure as a husband and can never seem to keep track of her inventory of a thousand-plus items, so I deserve all the criticism I get.

“Occasionally I manage to find whatever it is she’s looking for and deliver the goods expecting praise, but really I’ve just provided her with evidence that it was me who hid it in the first place.”

Nicola Booker said: “I told you to remind me about my charger. Now I’ll have to take my main one to this wedding. If it gets lost, that’s on you.”