ARE you hoping to boost your sex drive and your chances of getting laid by ostentatiously eating aphrodisiac foods on a date? Here’s how it might backfire.
If you fancy your chances enough to visit a fancy restaurant, don’t blow it by ordering oysters. As you suggestively slurp away at their slimy, vag-like innards, your date will conclude you’re a try-hard twat and any attraction they feel will die a far swifter death than the poor molluscs.
If you’re at the cinema and produce a bag of liquorice, then whisper sexily in your date’s ear ‘it’s an aphrodisiac’ with foul liquorice breath, don’t be surprised if they go to the toilet and never come back. Only maniacs and old people like liquorice. Their dad probably loves it. You are not going to pull if you’ve planted the mental image ‘your horny dad’ in their head.
Sinking your teeth into a hot chilli pepper is never a good idea. Especially if you’re cooking for a date. Perhaps the experience will boost your sexual stamina, but your date isn’t likely to hang around while you spend the rest of the evening pouring mouldy yoghurt into your fiery mouth and shouting ‘I’m on fire!’ (and not in a sexual way, although that would be bad too).
Sucking out a fig’s brain-like insides, seeds and flesh stuck between your teeth, while claiming ‘it’s nature’s viagra’ is something your date will find it hard to forget. Chances are they’ll file it away as one of their ‘least sexy date moments ever’ – it may even become a story they tell future dates to bond with them. So figs do lead to hot sex.
Think twice before you start ostentatiously ramming spoonfuls of seeds into your mouth whilst claiming you can already feel your sexual desire mounting. And although it’s true, don’t mention to a woman that pomegranate can improve sperm quality. Weirdly, they may not be planning to get pregnant on a first date.