Friday, 3rd July 2020

Five food cupboard staples you can't eat yourself to sleep without

SLEEPING can be tricky, especiallly when you get up late and do nothing all day. So if you need to eat to the point of passing out like a milk-drunk baby, try these: 

Breakfast cereal

Stodgy cereals aren’t just for breakfast. Delicious and bloating, they’ll overwhelm your digestive system until you sink into a slumber so deep you’ll only wake up when the fibre has made its way through your system and is angrily crying for release.

Cheese

Cheese sits like a brick in your gut, ideal if you’re looking to settle in for the night. Cheddar is effective when eaten in block form like a lard sandwich. Brie also slides down a treat and, when soft, doubles as a bedtime drink.

Crisps

Potato, corn or maize crisps are both highly addictive and deeply unsatisfying, so when you’re looking to drift off more really is more. Try spicy seasonings for extra-fitful sleep, or meat flavourings if you want to wake up feeling like you passed out face-down on a kebab.

Biscuits

Essential as part of the sweet-savoury-sweet rollercoaster that inevitably leads to the land of nod, anyone who is serious about passing out mid-chew should have so many biscuits that they have their own cupboard.

Bread

Finally, from the humble slice to the mighty loaf, bread is nature’s sedative. Enjoy it with the sugar and/or fat-laden spreads that induce the most shame in those last moments before you black out. Then do it all again tomorrow.