Saturday, 4th April 2020

Five post-Brexit pancake toppings

BLUE passports are back, we’re a sovereign nation again and it’s time to celebrate a patriotic post-Brexit pancake day with British toppings. Try these: 

Baked beans 

Beans are a British staple, and they’re as good on your pancakes as they are for your heart. Made in Wigan so there aren’t no pesky import issues, they’re perfect for proving that you’re not eating any sophisticated continental crepe. Interestingly, we’ll soon be bathing in them once the climate change water wars begin.

Strawberries

Other fruit are foreign, but strawberries grow here. You’ll have to wait a few months until they’re in season, and a little longer for the economically inactive to pick them, but we can set our own Shrove Tuesday now we’ve taken back control. In the meantime Twiglets will tide you over.

Kimchi

Free from the tyranny of the EU we can make trade deals with anyone. Our comprehensive trade deal with South Korea means we can trough out on fermented cabbage, and why not wrap it in fried batter, drown it in golden syrup, and choke it down with a smile?

Land Rover 

A crunchier topping here, and one that may take more than one pancake to wrap, but you’ll enjoy every bite of this red, white and blue treat knowing you’re doing your country proud.

Nothing 

Flavour is overrated. This Pancake Day take your pancakes dry. Not only will it save money, you’ll be able to really savour the flour and eggs.