HEINZ has gone back on its decision to rebrand Salad Cream as ‘Weird Sweet Goopy Shit’, a name thought to appeal more to millennials.
The planned change caused outrage among loyal Salad Cream consumers who were not ready to face the truth about their addiction to the strange substance.
Stephen Malley of Daventry said: “Calling it Salad Cream makes it sound normal, to the extent that it’s normal to add cream to a salad.
“The new name would have been more accurate because it admits there is something deeply odd about this weird condiment no other country shares our addiction to.
“However I prefer a name that cloaks the strangeness in a little familiarity and hides the British desperation for bottled sauce with every single meal.
“If millennials don’t like the name they should just make some and put ‘Craft’ in front of ‘Salad Cream’. They’ll fucking love it then.”
A Heinz spokesman said: “We anticipate no such backlash against our next rebrand, which will be changing Tomato Ketchup to ‘Red Sugar for Chips’.”