WHILE it’s fine to follow a plant-based diet, it’s less fine to get on everyone’s tits about it. Here’s how to strike that delicate balance.
Talk about literally anything else
Chat about anything not veganism, even tedium like the the weather or footy, which are basically just social glue. Luckily there’s a fair bit going on right now. Who knows, people might be more interested in this virus thing or World War 3 that than you explaining in coma-inducing detail how you made aubergine stew?
Even if you’re eating out
If you’re eating out, don’t bang on about it then either. Meat eaters don’t think only having one type of lamb bhuna on the menu is a personal slight. Peruse the menu then quietly order the least appealing thing there. It’s unfair, but that’s the dish for you. The one the chefs resent cooking. Probably something that’s basically just a baked mushroom.
Don’t try and recruit others
It really is futile trying to convert people. Others have thought about veganism and just don’t care about cows that much. You have to admit they’re pretty thick. We know how we live is cruel and it’s bad for the environment but we’re too old, set in our ways and addicted to the great taste of £1 Iceland microwaveable kebabs. And stop telling us how much better you feel. You’re wasting your breath with us bastards.
Don’t take it too seriously
It must be exhausting remembering you’re a vegan all the time. However only twats make an issue of vegans not being 100 per cent consistent all the time, and they secretly know it’s a Good Thing. Frankly if you feel like a bacon sarnie or lamb chop from time to time, fill your boots. You’re way ahead on ethics anyway.
Don’t ruin meat for the rest of us
For people who don’t eat meat, vegans are obsessed with it. Why else go through the charade of pretending a sliced cauliflower is ‘steak’? Cooking a jackfruit does not leave you with pulled pork, unless you’re a medieval alchemist. Just call your food what it is. Which is ‘pretty bland’.